Isaiah Rashad Discusses Trying To Kill Himself

Last week, a video interview clip between Joe Budden and Isaiah Rashad marked the Tennessee MC’s first public reaction to at least one videotape leaked in February. In that clip, the Top Dawg Entertainment artist spoke about his sexuality, his current relationship, and if he would be pursuing legal action against those who leaked the private moment. In the footage, Rashad was seen engaging in sex with another man.

In the full-length conversation, the gold-certified artist shared more. At the 19:00 mark, Rashad revealed how the event prompted a suicide attempt, a relapse in alcoholism, and complications within his family. “I felt kind of responsible for my peers and my friends around me—for their association [and] being affected by me,” Isaiah shares. “That sent me to a dark place, for real. Like, when it first came out, I totally fell off the wagon and was drinkin’, and wrecked my car—I tried to kill myself.”

Isaiah Rashad Addresses The Leaked Videotape That Changed His Life

Budden, who published the video interview, inquires further about the car accidents. It is revealed that in 2022, Isaiah was involved in two separate incidents involving two of his cars. “Yeah. I wrecked both of ’em,” he begins. “Off the same type of stuff.” Rashad reiterates that the aftermath of the sex tape caused damage to his mental health. “It took me to a real dark place. I felt responsible for the label, for my family, for them havin’ to explain stuff on my behalf. It made me feel like I had f*cked up. I felt like I had f*cked up [by] not preparing everybody—just my mom and my folks knowin’. Just them bein’ out of the loop, I feel like I hurt my peoples’ feelings.” The artist who became a TDE star in the mid-2010s says he was aware of the financial consequences to others. “Knowing that this is people’s livelihoods, outside of my own, and how this could effect it, I didn’t know how to take it in at the time.”

Budden asks more about these automobile crashes. “Now we have two separate car accidents. Are we trying to hurt our self at this point?” Rashad responds, “Definitely the first one. The second one, I was still in such a whirlwind of emotion of like how am I gonna make this okay for my family. This time… after a thousand messages, man—negative ones; not just the good ones, I started actually thinkin’ about my kids. The Internet’s gonna live; my kids [are] gonna see this in a couple years. Somebody’s gonna pick on my kid or do this to my son or daughter, and it just started sitting on me and making me feel a different way about it.”

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Notably, Isaiah Rashad champions his children’s ability to love others. “Even my kids are equipped to have a similar mindset of one—accepting other people, and having the intent of protecting other people. That doesn’t mean that somebody is gonna protect them from some kid getting at them over their dad.”

The artist then opens up about his feeling of hopelessness. Joe Budden, who has been open about suicidal thoughts, admits that fatherhood has kept him alive. Rashad details, “Selfishly, when I was behind the wheel of that car, man, I thought it would be to their benefit at first. ‘Cause I was feeling so low about myself—’cause I go through these highs and these lows of feeling like invincible to feeling like just the worst. And at that moment, I felt like they’d be better off without me. [I thought for them] to go through this situation, and to get through it, they’d be better off without me—just without me being around.”

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Budden asks Isaiah Rashad how he has changed his mind frame. “Every day is a constant reminder.” The guest elaborates, “I don’t how to describe what the feeling of losing self-worth is.” He adds that his pains are not imaginary.”You feel it; it actually hurts.”

In 2021, Isaiah Rashad released The House Is Burning. The TDE LP features Jay Rock, SZA, Jay Worthy, 6LACK, and Lil Uzi Vert.

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#BonusBeat: A What’s The Headline podcast episode on the history of Top Dawg Entertainment and where it ranks among the greatest record labels: